All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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