Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can't special order awesome
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
