At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
