You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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