Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
