I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
