I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
