Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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