i permit you to call me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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