Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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