Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize