i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
