Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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