That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
