Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
