I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
