you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
