i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
