I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
