i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We left the knife in your bed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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