Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
