just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
