Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
4 words: hood of his car
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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