My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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