I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
