I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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