She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
