I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
