there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
