I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
