16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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