he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize