you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
