He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize