I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
