I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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