it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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