Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
