Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
