so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
