you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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