I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
