u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Still dying that you shit outside
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
