He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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