I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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