Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
