looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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