I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
