I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
