Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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