I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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