I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
