Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
