If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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