i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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