the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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