Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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