I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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