community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
