i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize