my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
