i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize