Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
