Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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