he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
