Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
