so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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