The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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