p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it because I queefed?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
