the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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