I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
