Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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