did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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