i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
