I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
