She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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